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Hi All:
Duaine M here;
Before you start reading I want to insert my thoughts on this members article.
It's
important to know that in SOS there is a diversity of thought and just about
everything is debated.
So what you read may be agreed on my a large
majority of members or a small minority of members.
The
final authority is........... "You"........... the member.
What I
want you to do is not except the view that addiction is some how a physiological illness,
a
disease and that the person who has become addicted is not held responsible for
his or her actions.
SOS
helps those who want the help. The person who needs help must be willing to
accept that there are consequences for their actions.
There is no free rid for them. Once detoxed they are responsible. They can not
think they can not be held responsible for their actions.
I have seen people who were told there are no more chances.
This is "it" and I have seen how surprised they were when they told me they
thought for sure they would get one more chance.
I told them, they said they understood, there were no more chances and did it
anyway.
We have
Support groups where you can talk to others and maybe get a full
picture of SOS in action.
Duaine Metevia
Duane Metevia
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Family members
and friends of alcoholics and
addicts are very welcome at SOS
meetings.
They may attend whether or not
the person they are close is
continuing their addiction or is
in recovery.
Although, family
and friends may not be addicted
themselves, their lives are
greatly affected by the
addictive behavior of a loved
one and they too need support,
advice and the opportunity to
share and learn. SOS offers support from people
who have been on both sides -
the experience of recovering
addicts and other who have had
to deal with the problems related to active addiction and
the recovery process.
FAMILY
RECOVERY
Many family and
friends of alcoholics and
addicts come to recovery groups desperately searching out for
help and answers to their
problems.
SOS provides support
and help on understanding and
coping with the problems by
providing information about chemical dependency and its
consequences for relationships.
Family and
friends of alcoholics and
addicts often suffer as much or
more physically and psychologically as the addicts
themselves. They can get caught
up in the behavioral crises of addicts in ways
which then
affect their own behavior and
physical and mental health. Moreover, their well-meaning
actions may not work and they
find that their actions are only
further alienating the person
and
causing problems in their
relationships. Living with an
alcoholic and/or addict
is incredibly stressful. The
advice and support of other who
have or continue to face this
situation, as well as speaking
to
recovering alcoholics and
addicts directly themselves, is
critical to helping you help
yourself and your loved one.
By coming to
SOS, family and friends can
learn about the illness and arm
themselves against its negative effects.
Understanding the illness
excuse is the first step
toward defending oneself from its
destructive influence on you and
your close ones, and also
allowing YOU to free YOURSELF
from its clutches, as well as
helping you to aid your loved
one in a more constructive way.
The first thing
is to understand the Cycle
of Addiction which your
loved one is in and into which you have become
entrapped. By understanding that
addiction is a choice after
detox , one is better
able to
see that the addiction is solely
an individual journey for that
person.
Once your
loved is sober and in recover,
you also need to understand the
Cycle of Sobriety
and the addict’s Sobriety
Priority. This will help you to
make sense of the decisions
which he or she takes
in
everyday life. Moreover, as
recovery progresses, you will
find a « new » person emerging
from the shell of addiction.
This may be a wonderful and
longed for thing. However, it
can cause relational
problems
also, as the person goes through
changes, confusion, as well as
mood swings, which are part of
recovery. Possibly, you may
find to your surprise that this
« new » person is not what you
want
or expected. In a
perverse, unconscious way, you
may even feel more secure with
the « old » alcoholic/addict you
once knew. Unconsciously, you
can contribute to undermining
the person’s recovery,
or you may
come to decide to separate from
him or her. You will find that
YOU also will begin to change as
you become free of a direct
relationship with an active
alcoholic/addict. You can begin
to
change and grow and find a «
new » person within yourself,
with a clearer idea of your own
needs and direction. SOS will
help you to understand better
many of these processes taking
place in your loved
one, yourself and your
relationship. This will arm you
to deal and cope with the
wonderful, but often complex
road of recovery for YOU and
your loved one.
Family & Friends Recovery Cycle
is the fundamental basis from
which to approach all other
questions for you as a
co-dependent.
It allows you to free YOURSELF
from the feelings of
responsibility, anger and other
feelings connected to being the
close one of an alcoholic/addict
and to go on to prioritise
YOUR OWN WELL BEING on a daily
basis.
1. Knowledge of Addiction &
Sobriety Cycles
2. Daily
Acknowledgement & Acceptance
3.
Daily Prioritisation of Own
Well-Being
SUGGESTED
GUIDELINES FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS
Don’t give up
hope ! Many alcoholics and
addicts have been helped to
choose recovery by the
informed intervention of those
who loved them. Many tens of
thousands have done it alone !
Learn
all you can about alcoholism and
addiction and, also its
affects on relationships, family
and otherwise.
SOS stresses
that sobriety must be the
priority for the chemically
dependent person.
The Sobriety Priority is the
alcoholic/addict’s bottom line.
You too must learn to make your
own well-being (and not the
addict’s) YOUR PRIORITY. You can
call it what you like - your
« Health Priority »,
« Sanity Priority »,
«Happiness Priority ».
Start making this your bottom
line for decision-making .
Believe that the choices you
make by prioritizing your own
well-being are the best thing you can do for the chemically
dependent person.
General
Principles of SOS Family &
Friends
All those who wish to gain
understanding of their feelings
about their relationship with an
addicted person are welcome.
Family and friends may be
invited by SOS groups to attend
meetings with recovering
alcoholics and addicts, as well
as having the right to form
separate SOS Family and Friends
meetings, if they wish.
Honest, clear and direct
communication of feelings,
thoughts and knowledge aids in
recovery. Support in choosing
non-destructive, non-delusional
and rational approaches to
living sober, rewarding lives
helps in developing healthier
relationships.
In SOS, family and friends
gain insight into the workings
of other recovering persons, as
members share experiences,
information, strengths and
encouragement in friendly,
honest and supportive
group
meetings.
SOS guards the anonymity of
all those who attend meetings
and the contents of the
discussions from those not
within the group.
SOS is not the spin-off of
any political or religious
group. SOS is concerned with
aiding family and friends
in developing understanding and
compassion for the recovering
individual.
- SOS encourages the
scientific study of all
aspects of alcoholism and
addiction.
SOS does not limit its
outlook to one area of
knowledge or theory of
alcoholism and addiction.
-
- SOS is secular. We
welcome all regardless of
religious or non-religious
beliefs.
Spiritual and religious
matters are not discussed in
group and are respected
as the private domain of
each individual..
-
Building Recovery
by Duaine Metevia
http://www.itsachoicepublishing.com
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